At the risk of this starting to sound like excerpts from an autobiography, here are a few thoughts I felt like writing about..
If not doing what I am doing right now, what would I have been doing?
Pat my reply would come – Civil Services. Don’t know – but it has always excited me. I don’t know whether it is my love for Academics. I always loved to study. May sound quite pompous….but, am being absolutely honest here. I can never really relate to jokes people crack about having flunked in some paper, or how they used to bunk classes and the like. For me – studies was always a sacred thing – should be and to be done religiously. It was never imposed, but, something I yearned to do and do well.
So much so for that long charade of self-praise --- to think in today’s standards – it sounds so un-cool. Well, nevertheless…
Coming back…yeah, my love for Civil Services was deep-rooted and has stemmed out of composite factors , namely, my love for academic pursuits, my Dad’s influence – he held it in great stead and hence I wanted to achieve it, the regular CSRs (Competition Success Review magazines) month after month, some TV programme called ‘Udaan’ I saw – it really was very motivating, the all-round focus of the CBSE curriculum, the fact that my Dad is from the Ordnance Factory Services – so there is this Central Govt. service thing always there AND finally, because, basically, I liked the idea of it.
Probably, if it were something to be studied and done right after XII – I would have just as well gone for it.
But, it’s something you get into after graduation; and there’s the catch. After doing Engg , got pulled into a different fast paced world. Never looked back and somehow the desire to go the Civil Services way just dwindled away. Maybe I was’nt ready to invest so much time and pursue, maybe I was happy with the professional world I was in, maybe my Engg days made me quite a numbers person pulling me out of the Arts/History/Civics/General Studies world, maybe I was just not patient enough to read long texts and well …just that I was all too fascinated by the world of computing. And then one day, I did cross the cut-off age limit for appearing for the Civil Services exam. So, that’s where my Civil Services sojourn ended..
Ok, by the way, all my childhood, I also harboured the idea of becoming a Doctor..(the series of Robin Cooks I read fuelled the desire all the more J) did get admission to a prestigious college..Was at the crossroads that people taking PCM and PCB in XII are. And at that moment, I chose the world of computing and here I am.
Now, getting back to my current world, to be very frank, I am in love with the field of Engineering. I think a college degree does that…makes you think in a particular fashion, trains your mind in the chosen field and develops your aptitude. Engineering has made me think logical, taught me to rationalize. There’s a particular sanity, method, pattern and plan you follow. You know how to understand and control parameters in any equation and feel in control. Move onto the world of computing and it’s an amazing world out there again. I marvel at how human brains can think, devise, plan and execute. And once your brain is tuned so, that’s the way you conduct yourself – in and out of work.
Now, given that I am done with what I wanted to be, what I could have been and what I am today…it does not actually end there!
There are so many things out there that I dream of doing..
I’ve wondered it would be so nice to open up a book-store or a library. Be surrounded by books all the time. Take a nice book, a hot cup of tea and read away to eternity…in between you can cater to people coming in for books as well. You can keep doing what you like and it’s your work too. Being your own store – you can think up multiple innovative ways of arranging stuff etc.
When I was a kid and majorly influenced by Enid Blyton series, I read one about a girl called Elizabeth who goes to spend her holidays at her Uncle’s place – a farm. And there she sees an amazingly different world of growing vegetables, milking cows, looking after sheep, handling farm produce etc. etc.
So, at least that one summer when I read Elizabeth’s story – I had almost decided I’m going to be a farmer :-)
Well, even today, whenever we visit Panchgani, I almost decide to stay back and start strawberry farming!
There was a time, when I decided I am going to be a writer. I have always been in awe of people who can tell a story and tell it well. They weave a whole imaginary world so beautifully and as you read on – you become a part of that world. You feel, think and live with the characters. I have always marveled at the power of a writer. How he or she can make you see a world they want you to see. And if sometimes, the story didn’t really end the way I did, I just felt so helpless, well, how I have wished I could change that somehow...
Then again, music has been a passion all throughout. My parents sent me to learn Carnatic classical early on. Then, I used to sing in all possible competitions and shows in all my school years. I think I can just spend hours and hours with the medium. But, somehow, strange enough – never crossed my mind to think of it as a profession. For me, Music is like a soup for the soul. It is something I like to do for my own enjoyment, above all. I love it and am sure it will remain with me till the end.
There are many such varied things…even thinking of them makes me feel nice, elevates my mood. Something like ‘These are a few of my favourite things…” Gone-by things never make me brood, they always make me nostalgic.
I guess that’s what dreams are meant to be. Flights of fantasy which any time, every time make you feel good.
And for now, I see my children dreaming and I smile. My daughter wants to dance, wants to fly, wants to swim, wants to touch the moon. She sometimes wants to be a swimming teacher and the other day, she wants to be an astronaut.
My son has more rustic wishes like driving a truck :-)
I wish to see them happy today and everyday, always. I think that is my ultimate dream and this one will come true. I dream and I believe.
